i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
