There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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