There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
