I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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