I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
