College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
