you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
