It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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