I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
