I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
