she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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