If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
