I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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