trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
