you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
