I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
