Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They have beer where we have blood.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize