Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
