Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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