Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
