Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
