I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
