Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
