in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
