The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
