I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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