I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize