i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
