Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize