i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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