i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
