We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
