No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
