my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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