It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
