Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
