we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
