So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
