yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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