Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
