Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
