when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
