i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize