thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
