Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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