i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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