Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
