I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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