I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
