i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
