I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
