So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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