she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
