At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
