I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
