Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
