Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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