Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
