Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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