Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
