one two three fourrrrnication!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
