worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
