If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
