you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
