Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
