i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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