my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize