i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
