My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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