so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
