The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
