have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
