Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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