Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
