God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
