I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I just put wine in my tea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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