good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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