So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
