im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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