I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
