I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
