so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
