My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
