I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
