But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize