Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
