Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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