My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize