Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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