I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
