So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
