we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
