he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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