I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vagina just clenched in fear
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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