Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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