I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
