I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
